Green Smoothie

Every year at around this time, deep in the doldrums of winter when my SAD starts working overtime, I am confronted with a difficult choice. Will I spend the remaining cold-weather weeks snuggled up in bed with only a bottle of cheap wine and old episodes of The Office to keep me company? Or will I haul my grumbly ass to the gym to sweat out my past caloric indiscretions before short-sleeve weather hits the southwest?

No matter what I end up doing, there is a step in the process that I never skip. That step is drinking a disconcerting amount of blended vegetables in order to trick myself into believing that eating healthfully really is more fun than eating three Doritos Locos tacos in one sitting.* This year, however, my usual recipe did not do the trick and I have woken up twice in the past week amidst a pile of crumbs and empty bags of tortilla chips. As one does, I blamed the recipe and not my staggering lack of self-control, and thus I set out to retool my fool-proof springtime veggie smoothie. And so, without further ado, here it is. Emily Frances’ Fool-Proof Vegetable Smoothie, for those times when cooking is daunting and you’re too embarrassed to order from your favorite pizza place again.

Emily Frances’ Fool-Proof Veggie Smoothie

3 celery stalks
1 cup coconut water
1 cup kale
1 cup spinach
1/2 avocado
2/3 cup frozen pineapple
1/2 cup blackberries
1 tablespoon flax seed
1 tablespoon coconut oil
1 lemon
1/2 tablespoon honey (optional)

Finally, a PSA: Before you go on your merry, fiber-filled way, make sure the components of your blender are screwed together tightly. Contrary to what film and television will tell you, wacky blender hi-jinks rarely end in laughter and artfully splattered aprons. The reality is much closer to MPAA-unfriendly tirades and ruined shirts.

Happy sipping!

*Though it seems like a no-brainer to me, I was told by a friend who read this sentence that not everyone thinks drinking meals is a “fun” activity, but I beg to differ. If astronauts do it, it’s automatically fun, and that includes the process of urine recycling.

Emily Frances is a writer from the heart of the Rockies. She enjoys scotch, beards, and dancing that doesn't involve crotch-to-butt contact. Follow her on Twitter @pocketcopter

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