Hair Removal Season


Some of my most unbearable moments in life have been at the beach, lying in the sun on a towel, surrounded by all of my gorgeous, naturally hairless friends. It is not literally unbearable but it is extremely irritating when they examine their bikini lines openly and loudly; "Ugh, God I need a wax so badly, I'm like a she-monster." "I hate getting waxed, I just want to shave, so now I shave and it's so much better.". You bitches are killing me with this. I mean, love you to death, but please shut the fuck up and at least be aware that you had no hair to begin with, and you have a friend lying right here, trying to drink her beer in peace, for whom hair removal is an actual ongoing life challenge. For me, waxing leaves me hairless for barely a week, shaving is a god damn non starter, and the continuing, insane porn standards make hair removal the bane of my existence.

For as long as I can remember, I've been ashamed, embarrassed, confused, and generally exhausted by what I look like in my "swimsuit area". Having dark hair, light skin, and a French ancestry has ruined moments of my social life by pretty much assuring I couldn't get in the hot tub with all the other hot bitches at the party in just my underwear, (high school, don't judge me) I've said good night after a sexy hot man date, because I didn't think I was groomed enough for him to see me the first time and what if he was horrified, and then I'd never see him again. I used to wish I had been born into any other decade in the history of time, because then I wouldn't feel like a mutant/ape woman.

Here's the thing—FUCK THAT. Here's the other thing: this is not my problem. This is not even a problem. After fifteen odd years, I have come to the self evident truth that I will shave or wax as much or as little as I want. I like having a glossy Mother Gaia bush between my legs. I feel relaxed, sexy, and not ten. The more comfortable I am with myself, the better men I find, the better sex I have. It's like a magic formula. I am by no means the first woman to come to this conclusion, but I am hopeful that I am part of a wave going in this direction. At the very least, maybe everyone will stop talking about it, and I can drink my beer on the beach in peace.

Sara J. is a freelance writer.  


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