On Buying a Vibrator


About a year ago, a realization swam into my consciousness. The kind that comes without prompting and makes you furrow your brow and tilt your head and look off to the left: I have never owned a vibrator or any sort of person-made sex object. I have exclusively been using the penises of my boyfriends and my own two hands, and I looked at vibrators like they were something that other people did. I also feel like me, myself, and I are the most fun my vagina has ever had and it never even occurred to me to purchase something extra. I think it has something to do with the misplaced eighteenth century sense of propriety I have inside me, but it really comes down to the fact that I am a giant chicken and didn't want to walk into the "dildo" store pretending to know something about everything, when I really know nothing about anything.

So I went to purchase my first vibrator, and here are the things I learned:

Find a sex positive sex shop: Which is stupid to even say, right? But if you are super shy and certain words make you whisper and turn red, do a little research to find a fantastic shop and salesperson who will make the experience that much easier. Some of these wonderful people can tailor a conversation with you in which you only have to answer yes or no questions. But hopefully everybody is chill, because this is all perfectly chill, so just be chill.

Know if you want internal or external: Along with the concept that vibrators are a thing that exist in time and space, this question made me pause. I hadn't even thought about it. So I went all out and got one for internal use because I'm in this to win this and it had more options.  Do you like a feeling of fullness? (see: internal) Or do you simply prefer clitoral stimulation (...external). 

Are you thumpy or buzzy?: Another "uhhh" question, but as soon as the lady presses both options into your finger pads, you'll know. I chose thumpy, because buzzy sort of felt tickly and like it would get old real fast.

You get what you pay for: Which is sound wisdom, and as true as ever in this case, but it is sort of hard to justify spending more than $70 on something you can't try out, and can't return. Cheap ones can be loud, expensive ones can just be the wrong choice. Start with a mid-priced one and if you like it work up to the Apple-product-like ones. (Some of these are very pretty, and come with international outlet adapters—so thoughtful.)

My vibrator and I are home now. I haven't named her yet or anything, but we're getting to know one another. I sort of wish she wasn't pink, and that she was a little more thumpy, but I'm sure we'll get used to each other. For now we’re keeping the relationship casual and open, as my hands still do the most work, but she brings a nice little vibe to the mix.

xx(x),

Sara J


Whatcha think?


Please don't be mean :-)


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