Oh, Hook Up Culture


Enough with these “hook up culture” trend pieces that have been so abundant lately, focusing on the promiscuous behavior of upper class attractive white people. You know who got laid when I was in college? Good looking people who had game and put out. Their race or their class had absolutely nothing to do with it. We didn’t interview prospective “hook ups” about their familial or financial backgrounds in the dark loud drunken din of Frat parties. The whole premise of these pieces, that if you’re having sex and/or partying in college then you aren’t going to do well scholastically, is flawed. I lost my virginity in college and went on to have a slew of casual unfulfilling hook ups while nursing my budding alcoholism and I graduated Magna Cum Laude. More than getting an education, college is about growing up. It is the adult world with training wheels. I can’t think of one course or project from college that had any impact on my real life career. However, I do remember getting my heart broken and that more than anything, shaped my future love life. These girls are saying they will never remember any of the men that they hooked up with in college......then they are dating unmemorable men.

Gone are the days of economic security in a traditional marriage. Women have veered away from marrying in their teens and becoming stay at home mothers. We have now become an independent and substantial force in the workplace. In fact, women are getting married later and statistics show that college-educated women who marry after 30 make 56% more than college-educated women who married before 20. Women these days choose to be fiscally responsible for themselves.....and that bleeds over into sexuality. It’s not feminism. It’s survival. We encourage women to be empowered but if they’re sexually empowered then we judge them for it and doubt their moral compass.

In regards to finding your life partner in college, I don’t know about you but I am a completely different person now than I was at university. Not only did I not meet my life partner in college, I am so far removed from my college persona that I can’t even connect with my friends from that time. It is well documented that our brains are still developing into our 20’s, specifically the wiring to the frontal lobe responsible for inhibition, attention and high-level functioning. Might be a smart idea to wait till your brain is fully grown before choosing a life mate......Just a thought.

There is a hook up culture in the career world too.... can you say office romances and escorts for high powered executives? (See Richard Nanula). This is not just a collegiate phenomena. Hook up culture is rife in the prison system, not just among inmates themslves but among female officers and male inmates. Former Guard Yolanda Dickinson of Rikers has written a novel called “Taboo” based on the jail’s wild dramatic sex scene. She is not alone......6 other guards were fired or forced out because of such “over familiar” relationships. And what about the notorious “Mile High Club” which includes passengers hooking up with each other, stewardesses hooking up with passengers (Remember 2007 Quantas flight attendant Lisa Robertson with actor Ralph Fiennes in a business class lavatory?) and of course, sex among flight attendants and pilots (see opening scene of “Flight”). Pre-80’s, there were couples of pilots and flight attendants that always flew together and they were known as “airline marriages”! My point is the hook up culture is everywhere.

In conclusion, I think it’s safer to experiment in school before you’re thrown into the real world with sexual harassment lawsuits, marital infidelity and the complication of children. Marriage is hard. Most adults can’t hack it. The last thing college kids need to worry about is finding their life partner. If you happen to stumble across them in college, more power to you. Thank God my roommate didn’t get married in school because by senior year she had realized she was gay. College is about experimenting, finding yourself and you have to make some mistakes to do that. So for the love of all that’s good, let’s stop hyper-analyzing the sex life of college women already. You CAN have sex AND go to class the same day. I did.

Amy Dresner is recovering comic, drunk and cokehead. As a comic, she was profiled in the LA Weekly and performed on a national sober tour. She appeared regularly at the Comedy Store, The Improv and lots of shitty bars and clubs. She has written for The Fix, Salon, Alternet, Unbound, After Party Chat and The Frisky. Her work will be published this February in the Anna David's anthology, "True Tales of Lust and Love".


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