Curious about what goes into our Unbound Boxes? Here's the road map to our Escape Box!
3. Our very own Unbound Naughty, Dirty Things bag
6. Do Not Disturb door hanger
8. Shag bag mini travel case
9. Tattly temporary tattoo
I’m usually a save-the-best-for-last kind of person: I never eat dessert before dinner, and I organize chocolates in order of least to most preferred. But that approach totally flew out the window as I dug into the Escape box. I glanced at the product descriptions inside and told myself I should read them first...but couldn’t resist immediately digging out the largest box and unwrapping everything to get a good look before finally referring to the descriptions for guidance.
It’s a good thing I did, since the contact case took me a second--I’m a strictly glasses gal, so I almost tossed it my boyfriend’s way with a “here, I guess you can have this”--until I read the suggestion for storing lotion or hair serum inside and throwing it in your bag, which never would have occurred to me. Now I’m resolving to carry sunscreen around with me everywhere to avoid the pink nose I always seem to get in the summer.
The box also includes three oversized postcards with original erotica and clever illustration on the reverse. The design reminds me of Malika Favre’s Kama Sutra Alphabet (check her out if you aren’t familiar), and if you worked your way through the postcards more quickly than you’d like, there’s more where that came from.
When it came to the sex goods, while my what-is-it-what-is-it-unwrap-it! impulse lead me to the biggest items first, I went for familiar and worked my way up to the unfamiliar when it came to actually trying out products. But I surprised myself--in the end, it turns out I did save the best for last.
So, first up:
OVO Bullet Vibe
I’m a sucker for good packaging, but the ovo bullet vibe box made me laugh out loud--the resemblance to iPhone packaging is uncanny.
After a few minutes of trying to figure out if “batteries included” meant in the box or in the vibe (in the unfortunate event that you haven’t figured it out yet, the batteries are inside, you just have to unscrew the end and slip the little red disk off the batteries with something like a pen cap), I finally turned it on. I was initially struck by the power of the vibration before it seriously impressed me with the dual functionality. You can press fully down on the end of the vibe until it clicks for a continuous buzz, or apply slightly less pressure with your finger. While the button is held down, the vibe is on. Release, and it turns off. So smart and so intuitive. If you’ve found that pre-set vibration patterns on other toys don’t work for you, this is a welcome invitation to do it yourself.
The contoured end of the vibe is also cleverly designed, in a shape I can only describe as if you slightly flattened a huge peanut and then twisted half of it 90 degrees. In practice, this lets you target the vibration on your clit with the narrow side while the wider end spreads the vibration elsewhere. It fits in the palm of your hand and requires you to do very little work, and I found myself pretty shocked at the power and versatility of such a tiny little thing. However--the batteries don’t last nearly as long as I wanted them to--when I felt the power start to fade I actually cursed out loud (Ovo can take this as both a criticism and a compliment). I put what I thought was a tired-out bullet aside for a bit but a few minutes later discovered that the power had somehow returned, almost as if it had been recuperating while at rest. This is probably a function of some battery technology I don’t understand, but the second wind doesn’t last too long--just long enough to tease, basically. In any case, you can be sure I’ll be heading to Duane Reade tomorrow for some replacement AG10/L1131 batteries, if not a small stockpile.
Good Clean Love Lubricant
The Good Clean Love lube packaging is so subtle and ordinary-in-a-good-way that no one would guess what the contents’ real purpose is (why are so many lube bottles guilty of horrendous font choices? Good Clean Love easily passes that test). Good Clean Love feels more like a replication of natural lubrication than any other lube I’ve tried (minus the scent). The lube is a little more viscous than water-based products and the texture reminds me most of its main ingredient, aloe. You might prefer something with a more slippery quality if partnered sex gets a little rough, but it’s perfect for solo stuff, where it just feels like more of yourself. I found myself torn--apply generously and go crazy, or ration this stuff out as long as possible?
gläs G-spot Tickler
Upon opening the gläs G-spot “tickler,” my first thought was “woah--pretty.” I love a toy with some visual appeal, and this absolutely has it. The weight is satisfying even when just held in your hand, and the curved glass catches light in an unexpected way. While no stranger to vibration in sex toys, this was my first experience with glass. As you might expect, it’s much denser and firmer than a silicone toy, and gets very slick when covered with a small dollop of the organic lube. It’s a comfortable length and width, and I had a much easier time exploring G-spot stimulation with this toy than just about any other I’ve tried.
For me, G-spot stimulation sans anything external feels more investigative than hardcore pleasurable, but this toy combined with external vibration feels pretty fucking amazing while not being too intense--turns out “tickler” isn’t a totally inaccurate or overly coy description. The Ovo vibe has just the right level of intensity to get you there quickly, but once I’d tired the poor thing out, subbing in my Lelo Mona II was a pretty perfect complement to the gläs.
I only wish the toy had some kind of tactile marking on the base to indicate which side has the up-facing curve--once everything is slick and, uh, busy, it can be tricky to keep track of which side is right-side-up. This is an easier job if you’re manipulating it yourself, since you’ll feel when it’s hitting the right spot, but it requires a partner to pay close attention to maintaining the right orientation when it’s probably more fun to examine the fruits of his or her labors. It’s hard to describe exactly what makes the glass so novel as compared to other materials--what I can say is that for some reason, it feels amazing as it’s pulled it out slowly, and coming around it feels even better.
What I loved most about the products in this edition were how perfectly they all worked together--now it’s hard to imagine using one without the other. Fortunately, they’ll never have to travel alone. I can throw them all into the little “naughty dirty things” tote and take them with me--even if it’s just across the East River.
If you also received this edition of Unbound, how did your impressions line up with mine? Got any tips to share? Leave them in the comments!
Enjoy! xx(x), Penelope Nomen
Ps: Have some fun with your Tattly tattoo and be sure to tag them on Instagram with #unboundescape!